[ She will puff from that pipe once, her eyes falling again beyond that window. It is the last night of September and tomorrow is another day.
When she turns to you again, she takes your hand in hers and turns it over to study the lines of your palm. Time is a luxury she can afford, where it concerns giving you space. But even luxuries should not be taken for granted.
She will put the pipe between your fingers now, Mitsuru, and then reach for the box of tobacco and set some for you to enjoy.
All rivers return to the sea. And the sea is much like the darkness. As a Warden, she will do well to remember that. ]
in winter, snow falls / a forest draped in ashes
[ She has not done as she promised, Akihiko, but before she is the Mother of the Wolf, she was your beloved, and this boy, is both yours and hers. ]
tomorrow, the sun
[ She must still examine her feelings regarding the possibility and wisdom of Hikaru Shinta returning to the karmic cycle, for that is something that warrants long and careful thought. But for Kasumi Aoi and the child she carried in her womb for nearly a year, the boy she swore to provide for, it is a mother's right to wish her son happiness and not more tears. ]
Where is your smile tonight, Mitsuru? [ It is a mother's right to ask why your eyes are so dim, is it not? ] Will you allow me the honor of an answer before you leave for your walk?
[ He watches you that entire time with a look that only begins to graze the surface of the full extent of his feelings. When you ask, though, there is a smile that comes to his lips. It's the knee-jerk one that comes around when he's feeling very helpless and a lot alone.
The cigarette he was smoking through crumbles to ash with a turn of his fingers. He focuses his attentions, for the moment, on lighting up the pipe in its place. ]
[ Perhaps it is because you have given her this, perhaps it is because the smile you have rewarded her is a smile that wakes the wolf in her, but she is gently reaching over now to stroke your hair, hesitating only to give you a chance to shy away if this is still too soon for you. ]
Begin where it feels right to begin.
[ And if, by any chance, whatever that is needs to be 'seen to' you need only say the word and it will be done. ]
[ He'll look so painfully young in that moment when he feels the way you reach out and touch him. He's missed this, and he hasn't given himself any time to really allow himself to miss it.
Swallowing, willing himself to calm down. Then, once he finally does just a little (it takes much longer than it should), taking a drag from the pipe. Then another. ]
You approved the request. You know about Brianna already, and what I've allowed her to do.
[ Besides, even before you were ever the Magistrate of Seigi or the Lady of the Night, nothing in Zangyaku ever escaped your notice. At least not after your first and only fall. ]
[ Most days she forgets that you only saw your twenty-first birthday earlier this month. She will need to address that oversight, at least, on occasions such as this, when none will dare listen in.
She will tuck a errant strand of hair behind your ear at that. ]
I admit it seemed sudden, that request.
[ You do not take betrayal lightly. Tala had been one way to gauge your feelings on the matter, since she had not had the means at the time, to check in with you. She can, if you will allow her eventually, make up for that.
She will not outright ask the details of your exchange with Joshua LaRue. If you are comfortable enough to speak of it, you will. Matters between lovers are after all, private affairs. ]
[ It's very, very hard to resist the urge to find somewhere in this room to curl up tight and hide away right now. Just the mere mention of what caused him and Josh to fight is bad. ]
I can't... I can't forgive her yet, and that's hard on everyone in her blade. On him.
[ Breathe in, breathe out. Try not to so sound so shaken. Try. ]
I guess this is just another reminder of how it seems like the only thing I ever do is screw things up with him.
[ Her hand is falling to your shoulder, and then down your back in a gesture that is meant to soothe. She has observed the Hounds as closely as she could, at first because of their proximity to her son and then, because of their own merits.
The night that Brianna Lopez had decided to leave them all she had received a call from the one in their number who had set his sights on becoming one of the Wardens. What she had heard over the phone call from Brigade was grief. When whispers reached her ears that you had not gone on your nightly walk, she had taken time to sit an contemplate the situation. And then Tala, and the pieces fell into place.
She is not surprised that your feelings are what they are. She would question were they otherwise. ]
The road you are on is not one that can be traveled with ease, Mitsuru. [ She lets you go for the moment, folds her hands gently over her lap. ] It is often the case when one's eyes are fixed on the horizon.
[ That leaves him the space to clench his hands together. Better that than get stuck watching the way that they shake.
Doesn't he?
It's the question right on his lips, and yet just considering the possibility of walking away from Joshua LaRue now, even if it's for his own good, rips him apart.
Is that, too, not weakness? Not being able to end things before they get too painful, too destructive. ]
[ She'll watch that and then take a second puff while she lets you recompose yourself.
She's remembering now, the occasions wherein she had been able to watch the Sin-Eater up close. Two float to the surface easily: the look on the boy's face the day she asked him and Brianna Lopez to take you away from the Assassin's bedside; and the way Joshua LaRue had looked when she, Tohru, Asami, the Seer, and the two other Kings who in their own way view you as a son, sat down with him at King's Rest. ]
My son, [ a breath now, for emphasis ( because you are, you are her son ) ] If a question is left unanswered, is it better to let it lie and sit in uncertainty... or is it not wise to pursue the truth?
[ She says that evenly now. It is not her place to tell you whether or not your relationship with the War Hounds' blade leader will be good in the long run. At the end of it, the pursuit of the your relationship with him will only merit her attention if the boy destroys you in ways she cannot allow.
If you leave him, if you can walk away, that is your choice. His feelings are his own. He is not her son. ]
[ Asking him that only makes him aware of what he's been trying not to deal with. That ending them was going to crush him. Wouldn't keeping at it, though, just make things harder for Josh in the long run? Did he have the right to subject Josh to that?
Thinking on that more, though, makes him remember, almost distractedly, the look on Josh's face when the two of them had ended up having an interesting conversation at the Tower. The one that had started everything.
Kid gloves. ]
I'll need to ask him first, huh? How he feels about all of this.
[ Instead of fucking up even more by carrying on with what he believes is right.
[ A couple. That was what they were. Yes, it wasn't like he had never been in a relationship before but could anyone honestly say that those had been normal in any fashion?
He was really, really bad at this.
Sighing now, because the exhaustion's curling his shoulders and bowing his head down low. ]
I think I need to give him some space first. [ A pause. ] I think I need a little bit of space too, to think.
[ Kasumi reaches over and tilts that chin up so that their gazes meet. So young, and yet already so weary. It is not something she has not watched from afar, but tonight is different. ]
Take the time that you need. [ The words are firm, as is the look that she's giving you before she lets you go. ] I will not keep you longer than I should.
[ You have your duties. She also needs the distance again, but at least the groundwork has been laid for you to consider turning to her, even if the foundation is shaky as of yet. ]
[ And he finds that he can't look away from you, because the simple affection and comfort that you've offered him are filed with so much significance that he can't begin to dwell on it without hurting a little more than he already does.
Should he... can he...? ]
Thank you.
[ His voice is soft, about as soft as his lips might feel on your cheek the moment he leans in and kisses you. A filial greeting, he hopes, that does not overstep any boundaries. Then he's turning away and standing up. The bow he gives you before he leaves is low, right to the waist. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
When she turns to you again, she takes your hand in hers and turns it over to study the lines of your palm. Time is a luxury she can afford, where it concerns giving you space. But even luxuries should not be taken for granted.
She will put the pipe between your fingers now, Mitsuru, and then reach for the box of tobacco and set some for you to enjoy.
All rivers return to the sea. And the sea is much like the darkness. As a Warden, she will do well to remember that. ]
in winter, snow falls / a forest draped in ashes
[ She has not done as she promised, Akihiko, but before she is the Mother of the Wolf, she was your beloved, and this boy, is both yours and hers. ]
tomorrow, the sun
[ She must still examine her feelings regarding the possibility and wisdom of Hikaru Shinta returning to the karmic cycle, for that is something that warrants long and careful thought. But for Kasumi Aoi and the child she carried in her womb for nearly a year, the boy she swore to provide for, it is a mother's right to wish her son happiness and not more tears. ]
Where is your smile tonight, Mitsuru? [ It is a mother's right to ask why your eyes are so dim, is it not? ] Will you allow me the honor of an answer before you leave for your walk?
no subject
The cigarette he was smoking through crumbles to ash with a turn of his fingers. He focuses his attentions, for the moment, on lighting up the pipe in its place. ]
I don't really know where to start.
[ That's not an evasion. You'd recognize that. ]
no subject
Begin where it feels right to begin.
[ And if, by any chance, whatever that is needs to be 'seen to' you need only say the word and it will be done. ]
no subject
Swallowing, willing himself to calm down. Then, once he finally does just a little (it takes much longer than it should), taking a drag from the pipe. Then another. ]
You approved the request. You know about Brianna already, and what I've allowed her to do.
[ Besides, even before you were ever the Magistrate of Seigi or the Lady of the Night, nothing in Zangyaku ever escaped your notice. At least not after your first and only fall. ]
Josh and I talked about her.
no subject
She will tuck a errant strand of hair behind your ear at that. ]
I admit it seemed sudden, that request.
[ You do not take betrayal lightly. Tala had been one way to gauge your feelings on the matter, since she had not had the means at the time, to check in with you. She can, if you will allow her eventually, make up for that.
She will not outright ask the details of your exchange with Joshua LaRue. If you are comfortable enough to speak of it, you will. Matters between lovers are after all, private affairs. ]
no subject
[ It's very, very hard to resist the urge to find somewhere in this room to curl up tight and hide away right now. Just the mere mention of what caused him and Josh to fight is bad. ]
I can't... I can't forgive her yet, and that's hard on everyone in her blade. On him.
[ Breathe in, breathe out. Try not to so sound so shaken. Try. ]
I guess this is just another reminder of how it seems like the only thing I ever do is screw things up with him.
no subject
The night that Brianna Lopez had decided to leave them all she had received a call from the one in their number who had set his sights on becoming one of the Wardens. What she had heard over the phone call from Brigade was grief. When whispers reached her ears that you had not gone on your nightly walk, she had taken time to sit an contemplate the situation. And then Tala, and the pieces fell into place.
She is not surprised that your feelings are what they are. She would question were they otherwise. ]
The road you are on is not one that can be traveled with ease, Mitsuru. [ She lets you go for the moment, folds her hands gently over her lap. ] It is often the case when one's eyes are fixed on the horizon.
no subject
Tell me about it.
[ He's tired, see. Tired right down to the marrow of his bones. ]
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
[ It hurts to say that. It hurts to even think of it. But it's becoming very, very hard to deny the possibility of it being true. ]
He deserves a lot more than this.
[ Than me. ]
no subject
Does he?
[ She's lifting that pipe from your fingers a taking a puff for herself. ]
no subject
Doesn't he?
It's the question right on his lips, and yet just considering the possibility of walking away from Joshua LaRue now, even if it's for his own good, rips him apart.
Is that, too, not weakness? Not being able to end things before they get too painful, too destructive. ]
no subject
She's remembering now, the occasions wherein she had been able to watch the Sin-Eater up close. Two float to the surface easily: the look on the boy's face the day she asked him and Brianna Lopez to take you away from the Assassin's bedside; and the way Joshua LaRue had looked when she, Tohru, Asami, the Seer, and the two other Kings who in their own way view you as a son, sat down with him at King's Rest. ]
My son, [ a breath now, for emphasis ( because you are, you are her son ) ] If a question is left unanswered, is it better to let it lie and sit in uncertainty... or is it not wise to pursue the truth?
[ She says that evenly now. It is not her place to tell you whether or not your relationship with the War Hounds' blade leader will be good in the long run. At the end of it, the pursuit of the your relationship with him will only merit her attention if the boy destroys you in ways she cannot allow.
If you leave him, if you can walk away, that is your choice. His feelings are his own. He is not her son. ]
no subject
Thinking on that more, though, makes him remember, almost distractedly, the look on Josh's face when the two of them had ended up having an interesting conversation at the Tower. The one that had started everything.
Kid gloves. ]
I'll need to ask him first, huh? How he feels about all of this.
[ Instead of fucking up even more by carrying on with what he believes is right.
That frightens him. ]
no subject
That is usually what couples do, Mitsuru.
[ Lifting that pipe again now. ]
no subject
He was really, really bad at this.
Sighing now, because the exhaustion's curling his shoulders and bowing his head down low. ]
I think I need to give him some space first. [ A pause. ] I think I need a little bit of space too, to think.
no subject
Take the time that you need. [ The words are firm, as is the look that she's giving you before she lets you go. ] I will not keep you longer than I should.
[ You have your duties. She also needs the distance again, but at least the groundwork has been laid for you to consider turning to her, even if the foundation is shaky as of yet. ]
no subject
Should he... can he...? ]
Thank you.
[ His voice is soft, about as soft as his lips might feel on your cheek the moment he leans in and kisses you. A filial greeting, he hopes, that does not overstep any boundaries. Then he's turning away and standing up. The bow he gives you before he leaves is low, right to the waist. ]
Good night, mother.