[The knock makes her look up from the maze of figures, statistics, reports, missives and other strange, 'random' tidbits of information that were only random to an untrained eye. When she hears the voice at the other end, though, a small smile touches her face.]
Of course. Come in.
[Well. This is bound to be interesting. She takes another drag from her pipe (black, gold tip, embossed with beautiful carvings of feathers and water; a gift from Hikaru), and starts clearing her desk. It would not do for her guest to see exactly what she was working on. It was rude. (Not to mention confidential.)
She does not bother fixing herself. She always makes it a point to wear kimonos that are comfortable but also more than suitable to go out into town in. So what if it is low cut? She is the Lady of the Night. Such things are expected, and also have their uses.]
[ He walks in, his foot falls controlled and measured so as not to make too much sound ]
[ He can't help but notice what she's wearing, and he focuses her eyes up and away from the skin of her chest. It didn't help all that much really because he found himself looking at her face, and he had to admit that this really was Hikaru's mother. ]
[ He notes her clear her table. She didn't have to do that. If she were busy, he didn't want to intrude. Either that or the documents were not meant for his eyes, which they probably weren't. ]
Uhm, if you're busy, I can just go. [ He motions if it'd be all right that he sits ] I brought some sake though. I think I've gotten better at picking the good ones, thanks to Sensei Oyama.
[And she's looking up at him and smiling as she sets the last of her documents aside. Smiling, chin in hand, pipe dangling from her fingers.]
I am never too busy for a drink in what I hope to be good company. Can you do that for me?
[Not that she isn't certain that he can. He is one of the War Hounds, the Netsach blade that some of her agents in the Philippines have been whispering about. The latest to catch the Blade King's eye, the last group in years.
Of course he can do that for her. She has questions, and some of them? Some of them, he will answer for her, even without knowing it.]
[ It's not really how she looks that gets to him. He's not saying she isn't pretty, but that's really not what's gotten his attention. It's how she moves, how she carries herself. ]
[ He thinks to himself one thing: This woman is dangerous. ]
I'll try not to disappoint, Ma'am. [ He smiles as he sets two bottles on the side, off the table, neatly aligned. He sets two sakazuki (He's grown fond of drinking sake in the flat cups thanks to An'yu) on the table. He'd seen a set of them when he bought the liquor and wanted one of his own. They were metallic black kintsukuroi. ]
Please don't laugh if I made a "Gaijin" mistake of buying this kind. It was an impulse buy. [ He starts to pour drinks into the two cups ]
[ He's a bit surprised she drank it like a... well, like a man. He thinks of Deirdra in the informality of it all. ] I think you and I are going to get a long very well as to drinking. [ As he motions his head to the cup she'd just emptied. And empties his own. ]
[ He smiles as he fills his cup again. He then holds the bottle at an angle with both hands, waiting for her to let him fill her's too ] But I'd be a terrible guest if I let my friend's mother have to play host so late at night.
[ Brigade thinks of all his new teachers. How he promised to them that he'd be an empty cup. Now wouldn't be any different. ]
I'm sorry. [ He bows his head slightly and places the bottle down on the table. ] I know little of Japanese culture, I hope I haven't offended you in any way.
I'm an empty cup. I would like to learn the ways of my brother's, and his mother's, country, even if just for my short stay here. Is it a discourtesy not to let the master of the house serve the drinks?
I'm not a fan of deferring for the sake of it [OOC: fckyeah, he isn't.:)) ], but I am one of kindness and learning.
Would you teach me how to pour in the proper manner [ He pauses. She'd just said she enjoyed it, but he never felt right about any service being done for him. He never liked the feeling of having people do for him things which he could do for himself. He weighs his next words and hopes she takes them as they are. Kindness. ], and if you let me, I could pour for you while you pour for me.
I... just don't feel right being served by others.
[If there's one thing she can commend Brig for right now, it's that he's polite. Genuinely polite.]
That you apply yourself to learning how to accept other peoples' attempts at doing things for you. Sometimes, human beings need to serve in order to feel human themselves.
[ Brigade stops and contemplates her words. He understands what she means, he thinks.
He's fought all his life because that's what he was made for. But, in truth, at its core, what he was built for was to serve. Serve in the war as a combatant against the Blood Mask and the Nazi supernaturals. Serve in the war against people who step on others. It was his purpose in life.
He feels alive, he feels complete, he feels like his fellow Deadwalker soldiers when he's on the field or on a mission. Particularly missions where he might not come back, but where he can ensure others do.
He feels... human, in a way? In putting his life down on the line for others, he feels at his closest to being like everybody else. A sacrificial weapon happy to sacrifice itself.
Oh god, I sound like Hikaru. ]
I'm... I apologize. [ He goes quiet and glances away ] Would you rather I just let you pour? I can just... [ It's hard. Letting someone serve him. As if it's against his very character. ] learn by watching.
[ He doesn't notice the look of concern on her face at first. He's still looking away from her and off into space ]
[ He's about to say "nothing" but thinks better of it when he sees the slight bit of concern on her features. ] Just your son, ma'am. [ He smiles a half-smile. ] And how it suddenly dawned on me that we're a lot more alike than he and I would like to think.
[ He looks at her pipe and instinctively reaches for his cigarettes, stopping first to look at her ] Is it all right with you if I smoke too? It's your office, not mine.
[ Brig lights up and takes a long drag. He smiles and chuckles a bit ] There's a trap question if I've ever seen one. I can't answer good things about your son cause then it'll sound like I'm bragging about myself.
[ The smile fades again. He answers anyway. ] In some bad things, I guess? He's so obsessed with giving that he really forgets about himself. He's fine if he dies while doing what he does, so long as everybody else is okay.
I guess, what worries me is, while I'm not afraid to die, I still fight to live.
[ Brigade pauses and takes a sip of the sake. He takes another drag. His next words come out softly and slowly. ] Hikaru, on the other hand, sometimes it seems he's really just out to kill himself. [ Brigade's brow has furrowed in thought. He hates how Hikaru has absolutely no regard for his life at times. ]
Making a thoughtful little noise, letting her gaze turn inward as she weighs her companion's words. Taking a drag from her pipe, enjoying the pull, enjoying the release.
Then, softly:]
Killing himself for his cause is part and parcel to feeling alive for him. Why do you think he lives out every second as totally and as perfectly as he can?
[Of course, this is only half-true. But she wants to see how Brig will take that.]
[ Brigade thinks on it ] Ma'am, I'd have to disagree. Living his life as perfect as he can seems to be his cause, as well as the eventual result of what he sees as mistakes he may have committed in his previous lives.
Hikaru's lives have always been about fulfilling causes which others have found as impossible, which thus requires he strive for excellence in all he does, thus perfection.
[ He thinks of what he's read on Hikaru's first crusade: saving Setsuna ] It just so happens that those causes tend to seem to lead in a direction of self-destruction. Where he has to set aside everything of himself to achieve his goal.
[ Brigade instinctively reaches for the battle, but catches his hand halfway, remembering that he'd acceded to let Kasumi serve while he watches and learns. It's just so hard. ] The troubling part though is when he fixates on the self-destruction... [ He opts to take a long drag instead since he's already finished his cup of sake ] as if he doesn't deserve to be alive.
Like he sees himself as just... as inconsequential.
[Watching him all throughout, and waiting for him to pull back and finish his cup before moving to pour him another one. Then she fills her own cup.]
When you have always been defined, in one fashion or another, throughout every single one of your lives and have the misfortune or fortune of remembering every word you have ever spoken, every action you have made, every person you have met...
[Lifting her cup, staring into its contents a moment.]
It becomes difficult to believe in one's own value, especially when it is only too easy to destroy what you love, or to wake up one day and see that you have, inevitably, been left behind what you have chosen to care about.
[Drinking it down now. Looking up and smiling, once again, at Brig.]
[ Brigade follows suit and drinks his down. Ohwell, looks like I should've brought more than three bottles. ]
[ He has thought about this a lot. It started with -- ] "Weapon of the Methuselah", Ma'am. One of the first things I came across about your son were those words. [ He feels half tempted to just open a bottle and drink straight from it. The shallow cups were nice... for nicer conversations. Deep shit like this, needed deeper swallows ]
There was immediate commiseration. I was built as a weapon too, Ma'am. And I've had my fair share of things [ The days in Russia's control come to mind. When the brainwashing broke, he still remembered everything. That's why he didn't return to TFV. Didn't want to feel like someone's slave again. And went Soldier of Fortune to take jobs which would make him feel like he was atoning for all the crap they made him do ] that I've spent years trying to make up for. I honestly think I haven't yet. But I did recover my self worth. [ He can't help it. He takes one of the bottles he laid out on the side, pops it open and drinks straight from it. Mouths sorry to his gracious host. ]
I blame the people he's cared about then. It's not his fault they left him behind. They should've tried harder to keep up. [ Brigade takes another swig and a long drag from... ohwait, his cigarette's dead. He'd let it burn away into a long stick of ash by accident. ]
[Smiling as he takes straight from the bottle. It's all right. On her end, she's content with her cup.]
Does it have to be about blame or responsibility? If it was, then the entire world is at fault simply because Hikaru has chosen to love it. Not everyone is built the way we are, and to be frank, they should not be. That, in itself, leads to another conundrum: why did he have to fall in love with all of this in the first place?
[Pouring again.]
Blame is pointless. Attempting to quantify how 'well' or 'poorly' those around him have tried to 'keep up', as you say, only builds resentment, and prevents one from seeing things as they are.
[Because many have. Kasumi knows some of them, and is more than just familiar with the others. And she was wise enough to know that it was always a process. There was never an end to the work unless one was dead, or chose to give it up themselves.]
[ What's not to love about this world? ] I wouldn't say the world's at fault for Hikaru loving it. Not even for not accepting his love at times.
More of [ Brigade thinks of that question he's opted not to ask his brother. Of the woman. ] I blame them for throwing it in his face and making it a bad thing... making his kindness a bad thing.
If you don't want it. Don't take it. But don't throw the flowers onto the floor like a child and scream like it was a bad thing that someone cared for you. [ It's really the image that's come to mind for him, after what he's pieced together of everything everyone's mentioned to him about the matter ]
I apologize if there's resentment really. You never leave a man behind. [ He here's the gunfire in his head again. The grenades and cannon fire. The screams and pleas. ] Especially not someone you call your brother.
It's okay if they lagged behind cause they were tired, or just not enough. It's okay if they chose not to, and just walked away. [ Brigade pauses and takes a deep drink from the bottle ]
I'm not okay with them blaming him for devoting his life to a good cause and inadvertently having less time for them... cause he never forgets them and he will make time for them... [ Brigade pauses ]
It's not okay that he gets blamed for destroying precious things... killing beloved people, when he goes out of control. [ He's heard the stories. Bladian rapture. ] When he's not in control. [ Hikaru's constant wrestle with Death, throughout his life and even after the 28th cycle ]
[It's a gentle reminder (admonition?), topped with a gentle smile.]
Perhaps what he is asking for now is a little respect for the decisions he has made, whether they were the 'right' ones or not. There is no need to understand... at least, not immediately.
[Everything works out at the end of the path anyway.]
A weapon is only as good as the hand that wields it, after all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Of course. Come in.
[Well. This is bound to be interesting. She takes another drag from her pipe (black, gold tip, embossed with beautiful carvings of feathers and water; a gift from Hikaru), and starts clearing her desk. It would not do for her guest to see exactly what she was working on. It was rude. (Not to mention confidential.)
She does not bother fixing herself. She always makes it a point to wear kimonos that are comfortable but also more than suitable to go out into town in. So what if it is low cut? She is the Lady of the Night. Such things are expected, and also have their uses.]
Yay for Autonomic Control!
[ He can't help but notice what she's wearing, and he focuses her eyes up and away from the skin of her chest. It didn't help all that much really because he found himself looking at her face, and he had to admit that this really was Hikaru's mother. ]
[ He notes her clear her table. She didn't have to do that. If she were busy, he didn't want to intrude. Either that or the documents were not meant for his eyes, which they probably weren't. ]
Uhm, if you're busy, I can just go. [ He motions if it'd be all right that he sits ] I brought some sake though. I think I've gotten better at picking the good ones, thanks to Sensei Oyama.
Lololol.
I am never too busy for a drink in what I hope to be good company. Can you do that for me?
[Not that she isn't certain that he can. He is one of the War Hounds, the Netsach blade that some of her agents in the Philippines have been whispering about. The latest to catch the Blade King's eye, the last group in years.
Of course he can do that for her. She has questions, and some of them? Some of them, he will answer for her, even without knowing it.]
Re: Lololol.
[ He thinks to himself one thing: This woman is dangerous. ]
I'll try not to disappoint, Ma'am. [ He smiles as he sets two bottles on the side, off the table, neatly aligned. He sets two sakazuki (He's grown fond of drinking sake in the flat cups thanks to An'yu) on the table. He'd seen a set of them when he bought the liquor and wanted one of his own. They were metallic black kintsukuroi. ]
Please don't laugh if I made a "Gaijin" mistake of buying this kind. It was an impulse buy. [ He starts to pour drinks into the two cups ]
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[Still smiling, watching him pour. Once he's done, she waits for him to pick up his cup before lifting hers in a toast --
-- and then downing the entire thing. In other company, she'd be demure. There's no need for that with a soldier.]
I will pour from here on. One must be a good hostess, right?
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[ He smiles as he fills his cup again. He then holds the bottle at an angle with both hands, waiting for her to let him fill her's too ] But I'd be a terrible guest if I let my friend's mother have to play host so late at night.
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No, you would be terrible if you refused me.
[Lifting an eyebrow in challenge. What was he going to do now?]
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I'm sorry. [ He bows his head slightly and places the bottle down on the table. ] I know little of Japanese culture, I hope I haven't offended you in any way.
I'm an empty cup. I would like to learn the ways of my brother's, and his mother's, country, even if just for my short stay here. Is it a discourtesy not to let the master of the house serve the drinks?
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Many view it that way. It's... formality, mostly, for a people who do everything in their power to seem deferential.
[Taking her cup now.]
On my end, it is less about culture and more about me enjoying myself. I like doing this for people.
[People who were worth her time, anyway. People she could learn from.]
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Would you teach me how to pour in the proper manner [ He pauses. She'd just said she enjoyed it, but he never felt right about any service being done for him. He never liked the feeling of having people do for him things which he could do for himself. He weighs his next words and hopes she takes them as they are. Kindness. ], and if you let me, I could pour for you while you pour for me.
I... just don't feel right being served by others.
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Very interesting.]
I will, if you'll promise me one thing.
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That you apply yourself to learning how to accept other peoples' attempts at doing things for you. Sometimes, human beings need to serve in order to feel human themselves.
[Her son is one of them. She is another.]
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He's fought all his life because that's what he was made for. But, in truth, at its core, what he was built for was to serve. Serve in the war as a combatant against the Blood Mask and the Nazi supernaturals. Serve in the war against people who step on others. It was his purpose in life.
He feels alive, he feels complete, he feels like his fellow Deadwalker soldiers when he's on the field or on a mission. Particularly missions where he might not come back, but where he can ensure others do.
He feels... human, in a way? In putting his life down on the line for others, he feels at his closest to being like everybody else. A sacrificial weapon happy to sacrifice itself.
Oh god, I sound like Hikaru. ]
I'm... I apologize. [ He goes quiet and glances away ] Would you rather I just let you pour? I can just... [ It's hard. Letting someone serve him. As if it's against his very character. ] learn by watching.
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[Tilting her head just so, allowing concern to creep into her features.]
What are you thinking about?
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[ He's about to say "nothing" but thinks better of it when he sees the slight bit of concern on her features. ] Just your son, ma'am. [ He smiles a half-smile. ] And how it suddenly dawned on me that we're a lot more alike than he and I would like to think.
[ He looks at her pipe and instinctively reaches for his cigarettes, stopping first to look at her ] Is it all right with you if I smoke too? It's your office, not mine.
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[Pausing there in order to pull back a little and relight her pipe. Taking a drag from it now.]
How are the two of you similar?
[She has a feeling that she already knows the answer, but it's always telling to hear what a man has to say about himself.]
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[ The smile fades again. He answers anyway. ]
In some bad things, I guess? He's so obsessed with giving that he really forgets about himself. He's fine if he dies while doing what he does, so long as everybody else is okay.
I guess, what worries me is, while I'm not afraid to die, I still fight to live.
[ Brigade pauses and takes a sip of the sake. He takes another drag. His next words come out softly and slowly. ] Hikaru, on the other hand, sometimes it seems he's really just out to kill himself. [ Brigade's brow has furrowed in thought. He hates how Hikaru has absolutely no regard for his life at times. ]
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Making a thoughtful little noise, letting her gaze turn inward as she weighs her companion's words. Taking a drag from her pipe, enjoying the pull, enjoying the release.
Then, softly:]
Killing himself for his cause is part and parcel to feeling alive for him. Why do you think he lives out every second as totally and as perfectly as he can?
[Of course, this is only half-true. But she wants to see how Brig will take that.]
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Hikaru's lives have always been about fulfilling causes which others have found as impossible, which thus requires he strive for excellence in all he does, thus perfection.
[ He thinks of what he's read on Hikaru's first crusade: saving Setsuna ] It just so happens that those causes tend to seem to lead in a direction of self-destruction. Where he has to set aside everything of himself to achieve his goal.
[ Brigade instinctively reaches for the battle, but catches his hand halfway, remembering that he'd acceded to let Kasumi serve while he watches and learns. It's just so hard. ] The troubling part though is when he fixates on the self-destruction... [ He opts to take a long drag instead since he's already finished his cup of sake ] as if he doesn't deserve to be alive.
Like he sees himself as just... as inconsequential.
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When you have always been defined, in one fashion or another, throughout every single one of your lives and have the misfortune or fortune of remembering every word you have ever spoken, every action you have made, every person you have met...
[Lifting her cup, staring into its contents a moment.]
It becomes difficult to believe in one's own value, especially when it is only too easy to destroy what you love, or to wake up one day and see that you have, inevitably, been left behind what you have chosen to care about.
[Drinking it down now. Looking up and smiling, once again, at Brig.]
You appear to have thought about this a lot.
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[ He has thought about this a lot. It started with -- ] "Weapon of the Methuselah", Ma'am. One of the first things I came across about your son were those words. [ He feels half tempted to just open a bottle and drink straight from it. The shallow cups were nice... for nicer conversations. Deep shit like this, needed deeper swallows ]
There was immediate commiseration. I was built as a weapon too, Ma'am. And I've had my fair share of things [ The days in Russia's control come to mind. When the brainwashing broke, he still remembered everything. That's why he didn't return to TFV. Didn't want to feel like someone's slave again. And went Soldier of Fortune to take jobs which would make him feel like he was atoning for all the crap they made him do ] that I've spent years trying to make up for. I honestly think I haven't yet. But I did recover my self worth. [ He can't help it. He takes one of the bottles he laid out on the side, pops it open and drinks straight from it. Mouths sorry to his gracious host. ]
I blame the people he's cared about then. It's not his fault they left him behind. They should've tried harder to keep up. [ Brigade takes another swig and a long drag from... ohwait, his cigarette's dead. He'd let it burn away into a long stick of ash by accident. ]
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Does it have to be about blame or responsibility? If it was, then the entire world is at fault simply because Hikaru has chosen to love it. Not everyone is built the way we are, and to be frank, they should not be. That, in itself, leads to another conundrum: why did he have to fall in love with all of this in the first place?
[Pouring again.]
Blame is pointless. Attempting to quantify how 'well' or 'poorly' those around him have tried to 'keep up', as you say, only builds resentment, and prevents one from seeing things as they are.
[Because many have. Kasumi knows some of them, and is more than just familiar with the others. And she was wise enough to know that it was always a process. There was never an end to the work unless one was dead, or chose to give it up themselves.]
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More of [ Brigade thinks of that question he's opted not to ask his brother. Of the woman. ] I blame them for throwing it in his face and making it a bad thing... making his kindness a bad thing.
If you don't want it. Don't take it. But don't throw the flowers onto the floor like a child and scream like it was a bad thing that someone cared for you. [ It's really the image that's come to mind for him, after what he's pieced together of everything everyone's mentioned to him about the matter ]
I apologize if there's resentment really. You never leave a man behind. [ He here's the gunfire in his head again. The grenades and cannon fire. The screams and pleas. ] Especially not someone you call your brother.
It's okay if they lagged behind cause they were tired, or just not enough. It's okay if they chose not to, and just walked away. [ Brigade pauses and takes a deep drink from the bottle ]
I'm not okay with them blaming him for devoting his life to a good cause and inadvertently having less time for them... cause he never forgets them and he will make time for them... [ Brigade pauses ]
It's not okay that he gets blamed for destroying precious things... killing beloved people, when he goes out of control. [ He's heard the stories. Bladian rapture. ] When he's not in control. [ Hikaru's constant wrestle with Death, throughout his life and even after the 28th cycle ]
He didn't ask to be a weapon.
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[It's a gentle reminder (admonition?), topped with a gentle smile.]
Perhaps what he is asking for now is a little respect for the decisions he has made, whether they were the 'right' ones or not. There is no need to understand... at least, not immediately.
[Everything works out at the end of the path anyway.]
A weapon is only as good as the hand that wields it, after all.
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He doesn't even know what he's doing.:(( Oh my poor, poor Brig. Just being nice.-___-
Heh heh heh.
Iz all right. It's how I always play Brig. Must be IC consistent all the time. Stupid idiot. hah
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Activating Autonomic Control! haha
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